So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
