my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
