god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
