I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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