Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
