I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
