Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
