He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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