i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
