she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
