Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
