Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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