Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
how drunk are you?
Several
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
