Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize