It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
