if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
