I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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