If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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