I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
