True but thats because hes a fetus.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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