we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
