if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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