they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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