Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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