After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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