he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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