i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
