I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
