You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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