Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
