Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize