Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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