I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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