chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize