I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
