Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
