It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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