I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize