I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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