I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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