Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
