were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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