Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I want is dick and wine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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