Girls should come with a carfax report
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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