your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
