I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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