Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
