oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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