Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
