I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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