all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
