I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
