my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
