I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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