I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
