Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
