he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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