I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
