i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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