8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
