You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize