I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
