she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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