Christians are straight up FREAKS
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
