he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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