so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
