Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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