Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I puked a lego.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
