this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
