Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
