His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize