if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
