My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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