I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
