i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
