how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
