Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
