Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
