My sheets look like a crime scene.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
