Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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