I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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