So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
