Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
