hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
