wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
