I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
