Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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