i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
