As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
