i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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