Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
