i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize