im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You ruined the universe
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
