My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
