You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
