There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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