Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I take back everything I said about communal showers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
