So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
