We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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