we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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