Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
