How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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