I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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