Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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