hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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