god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
