He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
