I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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