I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
