shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
