I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
