wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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