ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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