You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
