goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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